The Voice of the City
Права: Copyright 2010
...So I Still Get to Watch Half Of Oprah.
Girl : I'm so glad I don't work nine to five.
Friend : So, when do you work?
Girl : Eight to four thirty.
--L Train
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Friend : So, when do you work?
Girl : Eight to four thirty.
--L Train
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Wasn't This a Goldie Hawn/ Kurt Russell Movie?
Sweaty construction worker : Okay. We're finished here today. Is there anything else?
Older wealthy woman : You could change your shirt before you come in here.
Sweaty construction worker : That's great advice. See you tomorrow.
--57th & 7th
Overheard by: jim hill
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Older wealthy woman : You could change your shirt before you come in here.
Sweaty construction worker : That's great advice. See you tomorrow.
--57th & 7th
Overheard by: jim hill
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Remember the Good Old Days When You Could Smuggle Antiquities with Impunity?
Asian man : What seems to be the problem?
Security official : Other than the fact that your passport and your ticket have two completely different names on them, nothing.
--JFK Security
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Security official : Other than the fact that your passport and your ticket have two completely different names on them, nothing.
--JFK Security
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Your Editors Totally Predicted This
Hip-hop dude #1 : Dude! Her pussy is like the TARDIS on Doctor Who ! So small and dainty on the outside, but roomy on the inside.
Hip-hop dude #2 : Can it time-travel?
--Brooklyn
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Hip-hop dude #2 : Can it time-travel?
--Brooklyn
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Probably a Story There
California girl #1 : I have, like, *no* gaydar.
California girl #2 : You should!
California girl #1 : I know!
--Gabby O'Hara's, Midtown
Overheard by: AEC
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California girl #2 : You should!
California girl #1 : I know!
--Gabby O'Hara's, Midtown
Overheard by: AEC
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To Be Fair, Have You Forgiven Rodney Dangerfield for Making Ladybugs?
Guy #1 : I really, really hate that guy.
Guy #2 : But he's been dead for years.
Guy #1 : Yeah, I know. I wish he were alive so I could wish he were dead.
--2nd Ave
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Guy #2 : But he's been dead for years.
Guy #1 : Yeah, I know. I wish he were alive so I could wish he were dead.
--2nd Ave
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Where Are They Now?: Wednesday One-Liners
Old lady to friend : You know who I feel sorry for? Yoko Ono.
--Central Park West
Female suit on cell : I once gave Carrot Top a massage.
--UCB Theater
Overheard by: Robert
Ghetto girl on cell : I know you ain't no Jay Leno and I don't speak Avatar!
--Fort Greene
Sober guy to drunk older guy : You know what you look like?? You look like a fucked-up Bobby Brown.
--3 Train
Woman at outdoor cafe : She's not that bad, she's more Snooki than Fran Drescher.
--Brooklyn
Overheard by: Rick
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--Central Park West
Female suit on cell : I once gave Carrot Top a massage.
--UCB Theater
Overheard by: Robert
Ghetto girl on cell : I know you ain't no Jay Leno and I don't speak Avatar!
--Fort Greene
Sober guy to drunk older guy : You know what you look like?? You look like a fucked-up Bobby Brown.
--3 Train
Woman at outdoor cafe : She's not that bad, she's more Snooki than Fran Drescher.
--Brooklyn
Overheard by: Rick
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5-to-7-Day Liners
Girl : Lisa went down on me while I was on my period. I decided just to roll with it.
--Frying Pan Bar
Professor : Let's all go home and menstruate! My goal in this class is to get all of you on the same schedule.
--NYU
Overheard by: Leslie
Upscale female suit on cell : I'm totally on the rag, but you can still lick my asshole.
--Park Slope
Overheard by: The Trooper
Gay guy on cell : I'm so cranky, I feel like I'm a girl who's on her period and pregnant.
--Park Ave & 29th St
Big black guy, loudly on phone : Why you bitchin at me because I won't cleeeeen behind you? I'm not gonna clean your nasty period ass offa the toilet! (nearby people begin laughing) Bitch, even the people on the streets be laughing at you!
--123rd St & Manhattan Ave
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--Frying Pan Bar
Professor : Let's all go home and menstruate! My goal in this class is to get all of you on the same schedule.
--NYU
Overheard by: Leslie
Upscale female suit on cell : I'm totally on the rag, but you can still lick my asshole.
--Park Slope
Overheard by: The Trooper
Gay guy on cell : I'm so cranky, I feel like I'm a girl who's on her period and pregnant.
--Park Ave & 29th St
Big black guy, loudly on phone : Why you bitchin at me because I won't cleeeeen behind you? I'm not gonna clean your nasty period ass offa the toilet! (nearby people begin laughing) Bitch, even the people on the streets be laughing at you!
--123rd St & Manhattan Ave
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A Picture Speaks a Thousand Wednesday One-Liners.
Father to two toddlers walking with mommy : So your mother offered to take me to The Standard for our anniversary, where we'd pose naked in the windows for all to see. I told your mommy I'm game... Afterwards we'll sell the pictures in Australia, how's that sound?
--23rd St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: geedee
Hipster, on being mugged : So I'm in the ambulance, but instead of feeling bad about it I took a picture of myself and put it on Twitter.
--Whole Foods, Union Square
Girl on cell : Just take nude photos of yourself. Go home. Take off your clothes, stand in front of a mirror, and take pictures.
--23rd St
Slutty-looking hipster chick on phone : My ex boyfriend said that he googled me and found naked pics of me.
--4th Ave & 86th St
Overheard by: bay ridge bitch
Annoying teen girl : He said 'You know Limp Bizkit? Well, this is limp dick!' And he sent me a picture of his soft penis and I died laughing on the street!
--Brooklyn
Overheard by: Wallflower
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--23rd St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: geedee
Hipster, on being mugged : So I'm in the ambulance, but instead of feeling bad about it I took a picture of myself and put it on Twitter.
--Whole Foods, Union Square
Girl on cell : Just take nude photos of yourself. Go home. Take off your clothes, stand in front of a mirror, and take pictures.
--23rd St
Slutty-looking hipster chick on phone : My ex boyfriend said that he googled me and found naked pics of me.
--4th Ave & 86th St
Overheard by: bay ridge bitch
Annoying teen girl : He said 'You know Limp Bizkit? Well, this is limp dick!' And he sent me a picture of his soft penis and I died laughing on the street!
--Brooklyn
Overheard by: Wallflower
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The Kind Of Thing We've Come to Expect from Blondie.
Blonde in convertible : Hey, cutie!
Suit : (turns around briefly, keeps walking)
Blonde : Hey! With the nice ass, we were talking to you!
Suit, walking back to convertible : Yes?
Blonde : My friend here thinks you're cute and wants your number.
Suit : Uh... I'm flattered, but I have a fiancee, so I'll pass.
Brunette driver : I didn't ask if you were single, I said you had a nice ass and I want your number.
Suit : Again, thanks, but no.
Brunette : How about I give you mine?
Blonde : You know, for when the marriage doesn't work out.
Suit : Yeah, no. But you girls have a great day.
--3rd Ave & 46th St
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Suit : (turns around briefly, keeps walking)
Blonde : Hey! With the nice ass, we were talking to you!
Suit, walking back to convertible : Yes?
Blonde : My friend here thinks you're cute and wants your number.
Suit : Uh... I'm flattered, but I have a fiancee, so I'll pass.
Brunette driver : I didn't ask if you were single, I said you had a nice ass and I want your number.
Suit : Again, thanks, but no.
Brunette : How about I give you mine?
Blonde : You know, for when the marriage doesn't work out.
Suit : Yeah, no. But you girls have a great day.
--3rd Ave & 46th St
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Like When Newter Gingrich Rants About Gay Marriage
Man in hard hat : My dog Sparky is still in the hospital. The doctor wants to neuter him.
Polite, uncomfortable woman : Really, that is too bad... Has he fathered puppies before?
Man in hard hat : No. But I am going to ship his testicles via FedEx to Iowa. It will cost $200 to freeze his sperm.
Polite, uncomfortable woman : Wow! Um... interesting. (then to friend, as man in hard hat walks away) It was so hard to keep a straight face!
--Brooklyn
Overheard by: Gigglerocks
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Polite, uncomfortable woman : Really, that is too bad... Has he fathered puppies before?
Man in hard hat : No. But I am going to ship his testicles via FedEx to Iowa. It will cost $200 to freeze his sperm.
Polite, uncomfortable woman : Wow! Um... interesting. (then to friend, as man in hard hat walks away) It was so hard to keep a straight face!
--Brooklyn
Overheard by: Gigglerocks
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It Was a Two-Xanax Climax
Black guy : So was he fun last night?
White girl : He came so much that it made me nervous.
Black guy : No more freshman for you!
--Outside Parsons The New School for Design
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White girl : He came so much that it made me nervous.
Black guy : No more freshman for you!
--Outside Parsons The New School for Design
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God Has Played a Cold Joke on Us All.
Guy #1 : Owwww! Fuck! Owwwwwwwww!
Guy #2 : You won't get an ice cream headache if you drink it slower.
Guy #1 : I'm trying, but it's too delicious!
--9th St. & 3rd Ave
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Guy #2 : You won't get an ice cream headache if you drink it slower.
Guy #1 : I'm trying, but it's too delicious!
--9th St. & 3rd Ave
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Before She Starts Stripping Again.
Five-year-old girl : My favorite part of the movie was the naked man!
Mother : Mine too, mama.
Five-year-old girl : Naked maaaaaaaan!
Father : Make her stop.
--Park Avenue & 25th St
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Mother : Mine too, mama.
Five-year-old girl : Naked maaaaaaaan!
Father : Make her stop.
--Park Avenue & 25th St
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...In Your Honor, Ralph.
20-something #1 : I'm so glad you're here.
20-something #2 : You don't even know how glad I am... I'm totally going to throw up tonight.
--Bar, 17th St & 7th Ave
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20-something #2 : You don't even know how glad I am... I'm totally going to throw up tonight.
--Bar, 17th St & 7th Ave
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